Honey in my Gears

Last night, I had a big ball of stress pile on me. Not only was I stressed from my first day of getting transferred** at my job, but I had unintentionally slept the day away, and woke up to a sunken feeling, like my seasonal depression, but emphasis on the exhaustion.

And I'd been waiting all day on certain news. At 10pm, I was to get either an acceptance letter, or a rejection from Iron Spike, the editor of Smut Peddler (regarding my story proposal). 10pm came and went, so I re-checked what time she said. 10pm... CMT. I'm EST, and I thought she was, too. So I had to wait another hour, when I had been ready to go to bed at 9.

While waiting for the email to come in (still thinking it would at ten), I surfed through Instagram and saw my friend Mark had posted a very recognizable spot at one of my favourite pubs, The Old Toad. It was an empty bar stool, sitting at the door to the pub. Every regular of the Toad knew that stool. That's where Tony Gerardi sat to check IDs at night. And I knew what a photo of his empty bar stool meant. I don't remember under what circumstances he reached out to me on Facebook, but I'm glad he did. He was a funny guy and a great friend, and I'm glad I got the courage to introduce myself to him when I saw him in person at the pub (on an evening he wasn't even on door duty). I passed by the pub on my way home yesterday and thought of popping in. He wouldn't be there that early, but I thought of him, and I passed it up because I knew he wouldn't be there anyway. If I hadn't been across the street, I might have seen the sign in the window that read they were closed due to a loss in the Old Toad family. I don't know how it happened. I signed onto Facebook to go to his page. I left my condolences and searched around, hoping for an answer. He had a rare condition, but that's the only thing I picked up. I have no idea what this condition was, or if that's even how he died (probably, though). I tried to pass off my tears as just being over-exhausted, but I don't think I was fooling Charles. When I passed by on the way to work, I started to cry again, and now, at work, I've got to stop writing because I'm starting to tear up.

I got the email from Spike just after 11. Rejected. I'll still do it. I'll still work on the comic idea, but I was kind of hoping I'd have a shot. She got almost 400 submissions. I didn't stand a chance (though I must say, I saw a couple of the accepted artists, and I wasn't too impressed). My friend Kaylie didn't get in, either. I wonder if Ross made it (probably, since he's got an in, anyway). Oh well. I've just got to build up my comic portfolio. Work on some b&w stuff, work on solidifying my style... I'll get there someday. I still have one anthology I'm a shoe-in for: The Nightmare-themed MCC anthology, which is due tomorrow.

On the upside, I was still glowing from getting a text from Jayme, Voltaire's ex (who I didn't think I'd ever hear from again after the breakup, because it's usually one or the other when friends break up), I texted and twitter-convo'd a few people yesterday (JV, Ron, Tia), and I felt good realizing this is more of a life than what I had on Facebook. And I had a really nice tea date with Joanna after work :)



**Transferred
I got transferred at my job from the main campus to the downtown campus. The pros hugely outweighed the cons, but there was really only one con- I didn't want to leave the great people I worked with. I've been working with them for over 4 years, and I was the choice for transfer. I don't get it, honestly. But the pros: it's walking distance from work (takes exactly 29 minutes- half when I bus it in the winter), I get done at noon (8-12 shift weekdays), and it's 6 more hours a week. Not to mention, it's probably a good opportunity to get closer to being promoted to full-time.





I hope today is better.

It didn't go as planned, but I did it.

As planned:
Go to Physics class Wednesday to see what my homework score was, thus determining if I would come in Friday for the test or drop the class.

Twist:
Was so stressed out about Physics (and Creative Writing*), that I made myself sick and didn't make it into school at all.

So, with much thought and surfing around Rate My Professor (which I should have looked through BEFORE signing up for classes), I decided to just go ahead and drop the class. So I went online to do just that, when I saw that the lecture and the lab are conjoined courses, so if I drop the lecture, I'd have to drop the lab, too.

Now, my lab prof is awesome. And my friend Alex had him for lecture last semester and loved him. But he's only teaching the *HONORS* non-major lecture this semester, so I needed special permission to get into his class (why I signed up for the other one). I thought of asking him about it, but then the hassle of going through the switch, along with getting all the right papers signed for everything... I am stressed enough right now.

So I decided:
Go to this week's lab. It's electrodes. It should at least be fun. And if all goes well, just do the work and switch lectures (it would have been more convenient, too, as I have SO MUCH going on MWF and almost nothing TR. His lecture would fit right after French, creating a nice balance between my days).

Well, electrodes wasn't fun at all. And it was so confusing. I think everyone in my group had maybe taken physics in high school (I was never able to do so, and wasn't even interested in science back then). And they're all in the Honors lecture. Clearly, they have some advantage, because they were rattling off explanations all over the place, and I was completely lost. This is pretty much how I felt for the previous set of labs.

Depressed about my bad Physics experience to begin with, today's lab almost made me want to run out of the room in tears. But I stuck it out til the end of the day and said my final farewell to Tristan (the only one in my group that I really got along with).

So I dropped both. I felt really frustrated about it all for a little while after Charles got me from school. He took me out to the Pita Pit for a delicious pita, and I still ranted about it all the way home. By the time we got home, I had exhausted myself into a 3 hour nap and woke up refreshed. I put on Emilie Autumn's Laced / Unlaced album (I'm listening to Laced- her classical music collection), and I feel so relaxed right now.


But seriously? I have been so stressed. People who see me every day know I have a mostly clear complexion (yet few people know how much I really cherish that). And all this week, I have gotten SO MANY PIMPLES :( It is a rare occurrence that I get stressed when I don't know what to do about a situation. They started clearing when decisions were made, though.

I guess if I want to study physics, I will just read on my own time. At least that way, I can choose what bits I want to learn. If I can pry that book pax_athena gave me away from Charles (he thanks you for that book so much), I will start with that :)




* because the teacher is a micro-managing bitch who teaches like you're in Kindergarten- plus I had misplaced the 4 plays I was to read and review, and didn't have them done.

I feel stressed. Not for any particular reason, or maybe many little particular reasons I haven't adapted to noticing yet, like my constant bickering with my mum, my perpetually unfinished project that I can't seem to mount without some problem arising, my shoulder/back pain, my lack of sleep, how about when I interrupted doing dishes last night so I could do my sister a favor (run her store keys back to her workplace) and returned to her and mom bitching at me for not doing the dishes, when all I wanted to do all fucking day was take one lousy little nap! Okay, maybe there are bigger reasons, but this hasn't really bothered me too much before (after 24 years, I'm pretty use to it).

And my sister opened the valentine I got from Brian because there was no name on it. I'm the only person who gets handwritten letters in this house (or in monday's case, a replied ransome note from a pirate king that looks suspiciously like bob saget)!

On a lighter note, The guy that does those PBF comics? He lives in Rochester, and we've been emailing back and forth the last couple of days. He's neat and awesome.

And as for the highlight of my day? (insert crickets chirping)

Nothing like a horrible car crash outside your house to pull you out of a bad mood.

Now if you doin't mind, I'm going to try to take pictures while the lighting is good.

The Good: I applied at Borders, Maggie Moo's, and Arlene's Costumes today.

The Bad: Mum bought me a bra without my conscent or my presence.

The Ugly: I guess A LOT of people think I'm creepy. That was not what I had hoped would start out my day. I do not want to be 'that creepy girl.' I don't want to be known as creepy for my normal everyday actions. I want to be creepy because I freak people out on screen or in my art. I can handle weird. I like weird. But creepy? That's like comparing me to the old guy in the unmarked van who sits outside an elementary school. I am "single white female (the movie)" creepy apparently.
I thought the day would start out well. It was sunshiny outside. I was going to get a call from Brooks (they never called). Then I was told people thought I was creepy. I tried not to let it get to me, but almost immediately, it started storming out.
I've always been able to control the weather.

I've lost sight of what I wanted to be and can't find it anymore.

In the past week, I haven't been able to sleep. There was that one time when my baby cousin was here. I didn't sleep through the night but after some pills I was out like a light.

There aren't any more pills.

I've been watching movie after movie trying to tire my eyes. I'd get into the habit of going for walks if the weather didn't wish grim death upon rochester all the time.
I can't tell you how many times I've watched these movies AND their commentaries.

One good thing about being up, is that I caught almost all of Back to the Future. You know I've never seen a whole BttF movie? I really love them, and for a set of 80s flicks, they sure do keep me on the edge of my seat! I didn't see TONS of that stuff coming!

Anyway, guess what I'm going to do with my two dollars? I'm going to buy stamps so I can mail out these letters that have piled up in my OUT box. They have these kick-ass Isamu Noguchi stamps down at the PO and I'd LOVE to get my hands on them!

Well. I think I'm going to head off to try and sleep. I think I might be able to do it tonight.

Oh, and before I forget, since I don't want to wait for when I do my webpage update ritual, I'm showing this now, because it took me over two hours to do:
my mp3 list. Everyone else is doing it so why can't I?

I got awesome prints from blackdaisies today! They're so awesome!!! Thank you so much!


In other news, dad's being a pain. He wont talk about our native american heritage and if I can prove 20%, I can get into school free. Unfortunately, I can't do this right away because I need to look up info on it. I really don't know a thing about this program, but I hope I can make it to school in cali.

I need a job. Anyone want to hire me?
( A very appropriate comic pannel starring Ella Cinders )

Dude. I think it's gonna fall apart.

On one hand, Rhuss has a place to stay when he gets here. No matter what, there's one of two to three places he can stay. But I still don't have a job or money to play with. And Sam might have TB and she's definately got tonsilitis. And Nichole killed my car yesterday (it's mostly fixed now, but needs a new oil filter which I hope will be fixed tomorrow).

I need to find a job and I need to be living out there to get one. And I need to be living out there so I can meet up with Chris Seaver so I can join the fun and start acting finally. And I need my car fixed! And I need to pack and clean and oh god.

insecuritytape is awesome to talk to. daveprime is awesome to talk about Neil with.

As for you, well. You woke up.

sweet dreams

How do I find out if an inmate is still being held at a certain prison? Do they forward mail in prison?

Franklin Correctional Facility is the place in question, and Tom Savidge is the person in question...