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dielloI think I’m going to hit rock bottom. I think maybe I want to. There are people. Not friends. People. Real, to say the least, an author through a character, a singer through a song. People like Susan Snell, Voltaire, Tyler Durden (I am Joe’s crazed synapses)...
They’re all telling me to let go. Right here and now, I’m just an ordinary girl who’s got nothing to lose. And I know they’re right. I have to let go. It. Everything. I am a slave.
But is that such a wrong thing? Being a slave? If I let it go, I’ll still be under some control.
I like the cat and mouse theory. It’s so simple. Sometimes you’re the cat, and sometimes you’re the mouse. Bullying and being bullied. It’s kinda fun to be messed around with, isn’t it?
People who are bullied don’t need to put any effort into being bullied. It takes effort to stop it, but none to shrug it off as life.
It’s effortless communication.
It’s the same with the master/slave relationship. Communication is effortless between the master and the maid. By contract, no less. The maid waits on people, and the master puts no effort into being waited on. Easy. Effortless. You even need to put effort into having a conversation with someone.
It’s one thing I miss about junior high. I wasn’t socially popular. I had no energy for that kind of life. I was a different kind of popular. I was popular to pick on.
How easy was that? I didn’t even have to make a decision.
But I don’t sleep much. I need something to tire me out. So I’m going learn to deal with what happens when I hit rock bottom. I’m going to get a job, boring, to be sure, but guaranteed to be more stimulating than what’s going on now. Being aware of things again. Doing a good job.
That’s going to put me right to sleep at the end of my day.
Whether I rebel against whatever, or go with the flow, or do what everyone else does... I'm following one set of rules or another.
They’re all telling me to let go. Right here and now, I’m just an ordinary girl who’s got nothing to lose. And I know they’re right. I have to let go. It. Everything. I am a slave.
But is that such a wrong thing? Being a slave? If I let it go, I’ll still be under some control.
I like the cat and mouse theory. It’s so simple. Sometimes you’re the cat, and sometimes you’re the mouse. Bullying and being bullied. It’s kinda fun to be messed around with, isn’t it?
People who are bullied don’t need to put any effort into being bullied. It takes effort to stop it, but none to shrug it off as life.
It’s effortless communication.
It’s the same with the master/slave relationship. Communication is effortless between the master and the maid. By contract, no less. The maid waits on people, and the master puts no effort into being waited on. Easy. Effortless. You even need to put effort into having a conversation with someone.
It’s one thing I miss about junior high. I wasn’t socially popular. I had no energy for that kind of life. I was a different kind of popular. I was popular to pick on.
How easy was that? I didn’t even have to make a decision.
But I don’t sleep much. I need something to tire me out. So I’m going learn to deal with what happens when I hit rock bottom. I’m going to get a job, boring, to be sure, but guaranteed to be more stimulating than what’s going on now. Being aware of things again. Doing a good job.
That’s going to put me right to sleep at the end of my day.
Whether I rebel against whatever, or go with the flow, or do what everyone else does... I'm following one set of rules or another.
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no subject
Date: 2003-11-05 11:28 pm (UTC)And that's the delicious irony, isn't it? It's impossible to break away from all holds because they are what define us - whether it is adhering to standards or rebelling against them, we are a slave to a set of rules that falls beyond our control.
It's that recognition however that places you beyond most people - as they see themselves as unique individuals, unhindered by any influence. Seeing that as a laughable misconception is the first step towards accepting the mundanity that is life.
So don't be depressed, my dear. I identify with you on a good number of your points.
But becoming a drone will not put you to sleep at night.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-06 08:49 pm (UTC)2. You're right.
3. What did you say the record was for sleeplessness?
no subject
Date: 2003-11-07 12:15 am (UTC)