A Beowulf Review Review
Nov. 20th, 2007 12:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dielloThis review is not mine. The person who wrote it needs to get a life, seriously. He just bashed a movie that was based (relatively well) on an epic poem written in the 8th century.
First, he goes into this unnecessarily long conversation with himself about how he doesn't think it should have been rated PG-13:
In your contemplation of whether to watch this 100% CGI game-to-screen film, remember that a bad influence does not have to be real to influence badly: that the "non-reality" of CGI as opposed to live actors and actresses does not excuse the content. Only six uses of profanity and no intercourse does not make a PG-13 of a R.
In the film there is nothing "partial" abut the nudity [...] Nudity is rampant. Full nudity. Male. Female. Frontal. Side. Rear. All angles. Though the male-specific anatomy is always kept in the shadows all other tissues and anatomy associated with it are seen in amazing anatomical detail.
He calls it a "HARDCORE R-13" a rating he made up. The MPAA allows violence, sexual reference and partial nudity in PG-13 films these days. And as much as this guy would disagree, there was no full-on nudity in this movie. There was always something covering the 'naughty' bits. Beowulf liked to fight his battles in the nude, and they showed lots of man-butt, but no frontal. Hell, even the Powerpuff Girls showed off the Mayor of Townsville's butt. And Angelina Jolie's full nudity was tasteful for one, and covered by a gold, metallic liquidy substance, which this guy says just isn't enough. If they can paint clothes on anime characters in order to show them on Cartoon Network during the day, they can do it on CG for a movie geared toward adults.
Also, "game-to-screen"? Jackass.
Beowulf the movie, based on the epic poem of the same name, is quite probably the most heinous culprit for stealing childhood from children ever made. It does seem rather reaching to say the parent poem (text) presents nudity. I have read lots of poems but never have I seen nudity in a poem. Even the nudity in some Bibles was not there when the inspired pen was put to paper; man put nudity in the Bible, not God. That some church approved nakedness in the Bible does not make it acceptable to God.
This guy obviously didn't read the poem OR the Old Testament. What the fuck in Beowulf made him think it was IN ANY WAY geared toward children? There is nothing 'childhood' about it (unless you count your high school reading curriculum as part of your childhood). There were no children in it (except for Grendel, but that doesn't count here). You saw from the previews that there were scary demons and busting babes. There were no signs that said "bring the kiddies." Oh wait, there was a dragon in it, too. That MUST be geared toward kids.
And The Bible was written by Man, not God. And there was nudity in the first chapter. Do you think Adam and Eve wore jeans and a tshirt? No, they were naked, and God didn't give a shit.
Then he continues to drool onto his keyboard, noting all the reasons why it should be HARDCORE R-13. And then he goes into the bible business.
Christianity was brand new when this was written, bitch. They worshipped Odin. He was not a "false god" just because Christianity actually existed at that point.
I'm done with this asshole.
Now, MY review... I loved it. I saw it in IMAX 3-D. My only real beefs with it were that it was WAY too short to tell the whole story, and Main Chick's face bothered me to no end, as does her character in general.
First, he goes into this unnecessarily long conversation with himself about how he doesn't think it should have been rated PG-13:
In your contemplation of whether to watch this 100% CGI game-to-screen film, remember that a bad influence does not have to be real to influence badly: that the "non-reality" of CGI as opposed to live actors and actresses does not excuse the content. Only six uses of profanity and no intercourse does not make a PG-13 of a R.
In the film there is nothing "partial" abut the nudity [...] Nudity is rampant. Full nudity. Male. Female. Frontal. Side. Rear. All angles. Though the male-specific anatomy is always kept in the shadows all other tissues and anatomy associated with it are seen in amazing anatomical detail.
He calls it a "HARDCORE R-13" a rating he made up. The MPAA allows violence, sexual reference and partial nudity in PG-13 films these days. And as much as this guy would disagree, there was no full-on nudity in this movie. There was always something covering the 'naughty' bits. Beowulf liked to fight his battles in the nude, and they showed lots of man-butt, but no frontal. Hell, even the Powerpuff Girls showed off the Mayor of Townsville's butt. And Angelina Jolie's full nudity was tasteful for one, and covered by a gold, metallic liquidy substance, which this guy says just isn't enough. If they can paint clothes on anime characters in order to show them on Cartoon Network during the day, they can do it on CG for a movie geared toward adults.
Also, "game-to-screen"? Jackass.
Beowulf the movie, based on the epic poem of the same name, is quite probably the most heinous culprit for stealing childhood from children ever made. It does seem rather reaching to say the parent poem (text) presents nudity. I have read lots of poems but never have I seen nudity in a poem. Even the nudity in some Bibles was not there when the inspired pen was put to paper; man put nudity in the Bible, not God. That some church approved nakedness in the Bible does not make it acceptable to God.
This guy obviously didn't read the poem OR the Old Testament. What the fuck in Beowulf made him think it was IN ANY WAY geared toward children? There is nothing 'childhood' about it (unless you count your high school reading curriculum as part of your childhood). There were no children in it (except for Grendel, but that doesn't count here). You saw from the previews that there were scary demons and busting babes. There were no signs that said "bring the kiddies." Oh wait, there was a dragon in it, too. That MUST be geared toward kids.
And The Bible was written by Man, not God. And there was nudity in the first chapter. Do you think Adam and Eve wore jeans and a tshirt? No, they were naked, and God didn't give a shit.
Then he continues to drool onto his keyboard, noting all the reasons why it should be HARDCORE R-13. And then he goes into the bible business.
Christianity was brand new when this was written, bitch. They worshipped Odin. He was not a "false god" just because Christianity actually existed at that point.
I'm done with this asshole.
Now, MY review... I loved it. I saw it in IMAX 3-D. My only real beefs with it were that it was WAY too short to tell the whole story, and Main Chick's face bothered me to no end, as does her character in general.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-11-21 05:12 am (UTC)I totally argee!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2007-11-21 10:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-27 04:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-22 04:49 pm (UTC)that said, i wish god would get out some lightning bolts or something and start singing people who who make patently untrue, idiotic statements in his name. i mena, honestly. wouldnh't you be gettin a tad pissed by now? plus, it would be an awful lot of fun to watch!