(no subject)

[diello]

In a crowded bar, it's surprisingly easy to be invisible. I've had much practice to begin with so it was fine being anti-social last night. I didn't particularly want to be there. I would have walked over to happymachines's house if it weren't so fucking cold. But it was, so I sat on the couch the whole time trying to acheive a proper view of the 4th dimention, or achieving catatonia, whatever.

It's funny how many people will show you they don't really care, by sitting by my side, and asking me "what's wrong" and before I get to say anything, they get up and walk away. I had two, maybe three conversations with people that did care, but it was mostly listening. I didn't mind.

It wasn't a bad time, I just didn't care anymore. I felt I shouldn't have had fun because there were quite a lot of friends there that night, and you know what that means... just that many more friendships I could potentially fuck up by being me.

But I smiled because I wasn't having a bad time. I did like being out. It was cool. I just had nothing to say, I guess.