SAD + Bipolar + Wikipedia

Forgive me, but this is a terribly serious post. The first step is admitting you have a problem. My next step is letting others know.

I have Cyclothymia (a form of Bipolar disorder) with Seasonal Affective Disorder (appropriately abbreviated to SAD). For me, this means, whiplash mood swings from hypomania ("below manic" euphoric or irritable) to mild or severe depressions, plus mild depression if the sun hasn't come out in too many days, and thoughts of suicide during winter (and sometimes other times).

The wonderful people in my life are NOT to blame for this, and unfortunately, they do not affect my depression. If they did, this would be an easy fix. Though it is severely affected by my period- it only makes it worse. PMT sometimes becomes PMDD, and if my PMT symptoms make me especially weepy, the onslaught depression is hard to shake off afterwards.

It's hard to accurately write about this, since I'm not immersed in darkness, because the sun is shining and I've just been exercising, so my mood is pretty light right now (unrelated, I'd like to point out that due to my endometriosis and ovarian cysts, exercise does not help with my period, as people with normal uteri would try to make me believe). When I'm depressed, that is the perfect time to write about my depression, but the double-edged sword is that it is the perfect time to not want to pick up a pen or get on the computer.

People who have never experienced this (or who have never dealt with someone close who has/is experiencing this) do not understand what it is like. This isn't grief over a loss, or crying over say, getting scolded at work, or being upset over getting a bad grade at school or whatever. This is a chemical imbalance that sends us on a downward spiral without any clear reasons. Sometimes it's fast. Sometimes it creeps up on us. We cannot answer "Why?", which for me, seems to be the only question I get. Attempting to answer why just shuts us up more, frustrates us, throws us even deeper into the forest. All you can do is be there, and cause a distraction. Talk about good things. Try not to talk about the bad, but you don't have to totally refrain or walk on eggshells if you need someone to talk to. Just know that sometimes, it might hurt us to be reminded that we are unable to validate our own sadness.

There are aids to ease the pain. I have taken pills, but it is a difficult trick to make it work for me, rather than keep me in a cloud, and coming off them is torture. There are herbal remedies, therapies, and even Sun lamps. I am willing to try when the time comes, but it's hard to get me to do anything then.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.