Surgery #1: The Bone Graft

(part two right here: http://diello.livejournal.com/505368.html)

They told me it'd be easy, quick, and painless. They told me people walked out of there saying 'I can't believe how easy and painless that was!' They told me a lot of things.

Now, after hearing everyone complain to high heaven and low hell how much it sucks to get a tooth removed, I was feeling pretty mellow about this surgery. I didn't bother calling in advance to warn work that I'd be out. I even thought I'd be able to make it to class at 11. Because the pain of getting a tooth removed is pretty light to me. Obviously, I don't think too heavily about just ripping one out of my face, and if I even need painkillers, I'll just take a few ibuprofen.

But this? Cum-gargling gutter sluts, this hurts. The moment I could feel the freeze wearing off, I started crying. CRYING, for shit's sake. I sounded like a little kid who dropped her ice cream, weeping openly in the middle of the store while BF and I waited for my prescriptions to be filled, holding an ice pack to my face and grabbing some liquid breakfast shakes and Greek yoghurt, feeling my face puff up bigger and bigger, and swallowing little trickles of blood. I felt so woozy, so knee-boggled, and I shook so much, I don't know how I managed to text my boss to tell him I couldn't make it. By the time we got back in the car, I couldn't speak, and had to ask Charles to call the doctor for me, to ask what I do about the bleeding, and when I can start taking my medications.

So to the best of my ability, here is a recap of my time in the chair (optional game- count how many times they had to numb me):

8:15am- check in and pay. I paid for today's procedure at the front desk, and then Stacy, the financial consult took me into her office. Between the desk and the office, I had enough time to decide to pay for all the surgeries at once, so I wouldn't accidentally spend the money before the next visit. Best to give up the money while I have it than risk not having it at all.

8:35am- Called in by an interning assistant who makes robots seem warm and loving. Prepped for surgery: blue cap over my head, blue tarp over the rest of me. Minimal communication to tell me to put this on, swallow these (4 amoxicillin tablets) and rinse with this (special pre-surgery rinse) for one minute.

9am- The Big Freeze. Not so terrible prick in the front gums, small-scream-worthy prick in the pallet behind my front teeth. Starting to feel worried, so I whip out my iPod and update my facebook like a technology-fiend while I wait for the doctor to come back (I hate that every time you get numbed, no matter how little time passes, the wait is almost endless).

9:30am- Numbness test. Can't feel anything there in front. Behind? Yep, I feel a little bit still. More freezing pricks in the pallet.

9:40am- Numbness test #2. Good to go.

9:45am- First incision. Felt it a little bit on the left. More freeze.

9:50am- Continued incisions. Feeling grossed out. Best to keep my eyes closed. Feeling REALLY grossed out. Starting to breathe funny.

10am- Crunching, grinding, scraping, jerking my face to and fro, grinding, scraping.

10:02am- And hyperventilating. And crying. And more of the above. Heard the doctor telling me to take deep breaths through my nose and that everything is going well and there's no need to worry. This did nothing to calm me down and I hyperventilated throughout the whole scraping/grinding procedure.

10:30am- Finally toward the end of the scraping phase, but now I feel a twinge of actual pain again. More freeze. Opened my eyes enough to see, through the hot tears, two sinister shadows looming over me with bloody gloves, terrifying tools, and a dripping needle. Seriously, this is what you'd see in the movies.

10:31am- Drilling. I don't know why they're drilling, but I was glad to hear it. Scraping and jerking around, and crunching bone sounds make me lose it, but for some reason, the drilling sound soothes me and now I'm calmed down. Just in time for...

10:35am- The Hammer. I don't know why there is a hammer, but about as much force a sideshow blockhead hammers a nail into his nose is what pounded against my mouth for five minutes. They did it twice and I yelled because I felt it in all my teeth, and it felt like they'd all shatter!

10:40am- Finally, the bone grafting. I could smell the powdered cadaver bone (yes, it has a distinct and recognizable smell; if you've ever worked with deer antlers, you know what it smells like). They scooped the bone into the gaping flap and somehow sealed it with some kind of membrane. Mine, or artificial, or whatnot, I don't know. But I felt a wave of relief at this point, knowing it's almost over (by the way, now officially being part-cadaver makes me the queen of goth).

10:50am- Another hammering. Starting to cry again, but keeping my breathing under control.

11am- Suturing. I've never had stitches before. I don't know how many they gave me. At least six. I could feel the last two, but it didn't hurt much, so they didn't freeze me again.

11:15am- Finally free to go. I must have looked quite a fright back in Stacy's office, planning the next two visits (one next Friday to check on the healing, and one the following Friday to remove the stitches).

Some time after- getting my prescription filled and shopping for soft and liquid foods.

1pm- Sleep.

The temperature of bodily fluids weirded me out. Whenever I'd try to open my eyes, they'd be washed over with hot tears. And whenever they'd let blood get past the suction, I'd feel cold trickles and drips on my tongue.

Since I'm having this done at a special rate as part of a contest I entered, they're taking pictures of my progress, so before and after today's procedure were filled with the doctor and assistant prying my mouth open Clockwork Orange style, and snapping shots of my teeth.

And now it's time for another dose of Amoxicillin.

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