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Cheers For Me...
Sep. 23rd, 2002 06:34 pmOne time, for an english project, I went all-out and tried to make it fun in sorts: drawings, video, dolls, just... drama. I got a 65 because I had no real written report. My teacher told me I had to be more professional.
I went off at her inside my head and imagined that I said to her that it was HER that was the professional. Not me. I was the freshman. High School, for crying out loud. I wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility. To grow up. Who was at that age? I wasn't even a professional student! Unlike the lifers who spend their free time studying or doing extra credit or joining clubs. The college-bound students. I don't want to be professional yet.
Of course, I never said any of this out loud to her. I just shrugged it off and left. I didn't even like the project. I didn't care for such drama. It was all so fake to me, just like the high school hallways. It bored me and tired me out.
Now I'm bored and tired of myself. I've become what I hate. I've become a drama. A soap-opera of stupid shit that should not concern me as much as I think it does.
And I realized that time was going by so fast, it was scary. I thought I might kill myself. I thought if I couldn't slow time down, maybe I could just stop it.
But I've decided that I've been whining and boo-hooing for far too long now. And I can tell by my wrists (where the illusion has just become reality) that it's time to stop! I HATE IT! I really need to get real before I become a Professional Victem. I will no longer be one of those losers who can't cope with the reality of it all and so they pick something or someone else to blame...
Well I'm done. The Devil didn't make me do a damn thing. I'm taking responsibility for my own life. My god, I wasted so much of my time living this way. I should've just gone to a movie. I should've just had a sandwich or had a few laughs...
Now I get it!
I went off at her inside my head and imagined that I said to her that it was HER that was the professional. Not me. I was the freshman. High School, for crying out loud. I wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility. To grow up. Who was at that age? I wasn't even a professional student! Unlike the lifers who spend their free time studying or doing extra credit or joining clubs. The college-bound students. I don't want to be professional yet.
Of course, I never said any of this out loud to her. I just shrugged it off and left. I didn't even like the project. I didn't care for such drama. It was all so fake to me, just like the high school hallways. It bored me and tired me out.
Now I'm bored and tired of myself. I've become what I hate. I've become a drama. A soap-opera of stupid shit that should not concern me as much as I think it does.
And I realized that time was going by so fast, it was scary. I thought I might kill myself. I thought if I couldn't slow time down, maybe I could just stop it.
But I've decided that I've been whining and boo-hooing for far too long now. And I can tell by my wrists (where the illusion has just become reality) that it's time to stop! I HATE IT! I really need to get real before I become a Professional Victem. I will no longer be one of those losers who can't cope with the reality of it all and so they pick something or someone else to blame...
Well I'm done. The Devil didn't make me do a damn thing. I'm taking responsibility for my own life. My god, I wasted so much of my time living this way. I should've just gone to a movie. I should've just had a sandwich or had a few laughs...
Now I get it!
