candyscape
Aug. 28th, 2003 05:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dielloThere's that really pretty time of day in the summertime when the whether is just right except when you're driving with the windows down. The sky is blue and the clouds are pink. Not like a faded pink, but a real strong pastel, if that makes any sense. It's so beautiful. Have you ever seen it?
Then I get a little down because I realize those are the moments right after the sunset. I've never seen the sunset. I always wanted someone I love to take me to a cityscape rooftop and show me my first sunset. I doubt that's going to happen. My boyfriend hates romance like I hate god, and everyone else is full of broken promises. I dated a few people who promised to show me the sunset, but it never happened.
I've stopped believing in good things to happen to me. Right when I decided I didn't believe in things anymore, things started happening. Jon held me so warmly and smiled. Mum called with news of callbacks from applications I put in a few days ago. I started laughing again. I haven't felt so good, so free. And all it seemed to take was the realization that I shouldn't believe in anything. Things sure are easier to deal with. Building up my hopes with beliefs just screams 'tear me apart.'
So this is it. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? All I know is that I believe in nothing. And somehow, giving up was the easiest thing I've done in a long time.
Then I get a little down because I realize those are the moments right after the sunset. I've never seen the sunset. I always wanted someone I love to take me to a cityscape rooftop and show me my first sunset. I doubt that's going to happen. My boyfriend hates romance like I hate god, and everyone else is full of broken promises. I dated a few people who promised to show me the sunset, but it never happened.
I've stopped believing in good things to happen to me. Right when I decided I didn't believe in things anymore, things started happening. Jon held me so warmly and smiled. Mum called with news of callbacks from applications I put in a few days ago. I started laughing again. I haven't felt so good, so free. And all it seemed to take was the realization that I shouldn't believe in anything. Things sure are easier to deal with. Building up my hopes with beliefs just screams 'tear me apart.'
So this is it. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? All I know is that I believe in nothing. And somehow, giving up was the easiest thing I've done in a long time.
